Calm – Fear is a powerful force. We can choose to use it for good by channeling that nervous anxiety into mental strength and physical energy, or we can let it consume us, making our bodies and minds weak and timid. During my visualization practice, my heart rate would often shoot up to 140 bpm just my thinking about the rapid. I didn’t want to eliminate my fear, because a rapid of this magnitude deserves fear and nerves. Instead, I focused on breathing to relax, lower my heart rate, and stay calm. I would get my heart rate closer to its resting rate, then keep running the rapid in my mind, with a lower heart rate and less anxiety. I was training my mind to go through the entire sequence while staying calm and relaxed. While sitting in the setup eddy of Gorilla, feeling my heart rate skyrocket, staying calm became a matter of simply returning to my practice.
Skills – To step up your kayaking game, a crucial piece of the puzzle is having the right skills. When I was learning how to kayak, my teacher Will Leverette told me that to become a class V kayaker you don’t just run class IV, you master skills in class II and III. Running the biggest rapid of your life is not about only a handful of skills, it’s the culmination of every stroke your every practiced, every roll you’ve ever drilled, and every river experience you’ve had. All of those things have made you the kayaker you are today. Stepping it up always the potential to call on every single one of those skills and experiences, so make sure the foundation is there.
Gorilla, in my mind, involves one other element that is hard to practice: scramble skills. Scramble skills are how you react when things don’t go as planned. Scrambling can include rolling upright, getting back on line, reverting to plan B, C, or even D. It means making moves that you don’t have time to think about, but need to happen instantly. Good scramble skills take time to develop, which is why another key to stepping it up, it so do so gradually. Putting yourself in appropriately challenging situations will test your scramble skills, and allow you to develop good paddling instincts.
Non-Negotiables – I had three specific conditions that had to be in place in order for me to even consider running Gorilla. While they were somewhat logistical concerns, I had them in place to maximize my chances as much as possible for success. My first criterion was sufficient time. I didn’t want to be rushed by my peers, by the sunset, or by the water shutting off. I didn’t want to feel like if I messed up and had to recover gear, or take some time to myself at the bottom, I would be making someone late. I needed to feel like I could sit in the setup eddy for as long as necessary to feel ready. I knew that rushing my process would only create a poor line.
My second criterion was the people I was with. I wanted to be with friends, people I trusted, and those who knew the rapid and how to help if things went awry. I knew where I wanted safety to be; one person in the eddy at the bottom, and one person on shore with a rope. Knowing where your safety is can greatly increase confidence. I wanted to be with people who had run Gorilla before, and could help me release some nerves at the top. Lastly, I wanted my crew to be people I knew would celebrate with me; people who understand the extreme joy that comes with running a scary rapid, and share your happiness by knowing it themselves.
My final condition to running Gorilla was the water level. Not too low, and not too high. Check before you go, or know where the river gauge is so you can be confidence that your pushing your limits on a day where the water level is optimal, and the river is on your side.
When you’ve done the appropriate preparation, your criteria are in place, and you truly know you’re ready, trust that there is no better moment, than that which is in front of you.
My first trip down the Narrows, two years ago, was a monumental accomplishment, but running Gorilla gave me a uniquely different emotion. It became spiritual, like I was completing a rite of passage. I recall landing in the trough at the bottom of the rapid, upright and safe, feeling completely surrounded, as if I was being hit by water from every direction. I closed my eyes, and that moment of impact seemed to last several seconds. It was as if the river was giving me the biggest hug I had ever received – A full body, whitewater squeeze, which then spit me out onto the other side, changed. I opened my eyes to find myself entering an eddy, with my friend Dave, in front of me, grinning. The only thing I knew how to do in that moment was celebrate, so I threw up my hands to cheer for myself. I knew I had finally arrived.
I’ve run Gorilla a few times since that initial encounter. While it’s always an incredible journey to be so scared in one moment, and so relieved and joyful seconds later, there’s no feeling that can compare to that very first time. My final piece of advice about stepping it up is about what to do when you finally reach your goal. Remember it. Thank the people who supported you on your journey. Share it with your family and friends. Write about it. Remind yourself for days to come, that you finally did it! And then, once the shock has worn off, set your sights on a new goal, and start all over again.